The Number One Way to Strengthen Your Marriage
Feb 06, 2025
The number one way to strengthen your marriage is…
self love
This probably isn’t what you expected to find when you clicked on this article. A marriage is a relationship that takes united effort; both sides must put in work to maintain it. How can you strengthen it with self love?? That has nothing to do with the other person!
As it turns out, you cannot love someone else more than you love yourself. In other words, you cannot give more than you have. If the strength of your marriage depends on your capacity to give love, then it also depends on your capacity to love yourself.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
~ Gautama Buddha
“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.”
~ Parker Palmer
“It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.”
~ Eartha Kitt
Self Love Begins with Self Acceptance
Common barriers to self love are shame, insecurity, social anxiety, and unnattainable expectations– basically anything that causes you to devalue yourself. Self love starts with accepting that your value does not depend on your behavior. Your value does not change.
To learn self love, start by accepting yourself for who you are, flaws and all. You are an imperfect human being with an unchanging worth.
Start by observing your life. Take notice of the behaviors that devalue your worth. What behaviors seem to support the harmful idea that you are not deserving of love? Do you overlook your own needs in favor of other’s comfort? Do you often treat yourself as if you are a victim of your circumstances? Do you hold yourself to impossibly high standards of performance? Do you shame yourself when you make mistakes?
All of these behaviors may lead you to devalue yourself. Pick a devaluing behavior that you struggle with and learn more about it. What types of events or feelings trigger you to behave like that? What kinds of thoughts do you think during those moments?
If you struggle with people-pleasing, click here.
If you often fall into a victim mindset, click here.
If you find yourself constantly chasing perfection, click here.
If you struggle to see past your mistakes to the worth within, click here.
The first step to change is awareness. To begin loving yourself, start by accepting that your worth does not change and let go of behaviors that distort your value.
What Self Love Really Is
Self love is understanding that you are a human being with a worth that is priceless. No matter what you chose to do, your worth and your potential don’t change. You are still priceless and you still have the potential to become better than you are right now.
When we understand and love who we are, it opens up the doors for us to love our spouse. Because when we are able to accept ourselves, flaws and all, we are much better equipped to navigate the give and take of a relationship. When we love ourselves, we can let our defenses fall to let our partner really see us. When we let go of insecurity we can be vulnerable with our loved ones and accept their vulnerability in return. Deep connection starts with self love.
Click here to view our Emotion School, where we offer 5-day self-paced courses that teach you how to live authentically.
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