Sobriety is not Recovery
Oct 03, 2024
Sobriety is the first step to recovery, and it is a step that cannot be overlooked. Sobriety prepares the way for healing, like plucking out weeds before the ground is plowed and readied for a new crop. Taking that first step to healing is something to be celebrated and recognized as a valuable achievement. However, don't sell yourself short by stopping at sobriety. There is more healing to be done beyond sobriety and it is life-changing.
Healing from an addictive behavior begins with getting sober and is complete at recovery. Sobriety is resisting the behavior and putting up filters to keep the urges at bay. It does not address the underlying beliefs that fuel the need for the addictive behavior. In other words, sobriety addresses the symptoms and not the cause. Recovery is the stage of healing when a person completely overcomes their dependence on the addictive behavior because they have completely overcome the shame that was fueling the behavior. Sobriety treats symptoms, and recovery treats the cause.
I don't want to minimize the achievement of sobriety. It is a difficult, painful road that requires immense courage and strength. If you are sober (no matter the length of time), well done. That is not an easy feat. What I intend to share in this article is a message of hope. There is a more complete healing out there! There is a path that leads to joy and freedom from whatever addictive burden you may carry.
Sobriety
Sobriety laser focuses on the addictive behavior. That behavior and your ability to avoid defines your success. Every part of your journey to healing is tied to how many days you can avoid that behavior, and when you relapse, your journey resets.
When used as a first step, sobriety is a powerful tool. However, when this stage is your end goal, sobriety becomes a disheartening cycle of reaching for perfection and falling back down over and over.
Recovery
Recovery doesn’t overlook the addictive behavior. It employs sobriety as a stepping stone to a more complete healing. What recovery focuses on is the shame a person is holding within themselves. It helps the struggling person face their shame and then clear it out.
When someone struggles with an addictive behavior, they are no longer in control of their behavior. They may be fully aware that what they are doing is harmful and dangerous and still be unable to stop because the behavior validates a deep shame that they have applied to their identity.
In serious cases of addiction, the person suffering from it is not addicted to a substance or a behavior, they are addicted to shame. When you hold a deep shameful belief about yourself, it is extremely difficult to accept anything that opposes it. For example, if a person struggling with an addiction believes that they are incompetent and lazy, it may be easy to use an addictive substance because that behavior confirms their perspective. It validates their shame. That same person may be unwilling to make healthier decisions or put forth effort to better their life because they believe it to be impossible for them anyway because they are “incompetent and lazy”.
We naturally accept things that are consistent with how we view the world and naturally dismiss and oppose things that are inconsistent with that view.
Recovery digs up the shame, digs up the damaging beliefs that we have formed during our lives, and then throws them out. When in the recovery stage, we open our hearts up. We take a good hard honest look at how we view our worth and let go of what is damaging so we can repair our soul.
If you are reading this as the loved one of someone who is struggling with an addiction, know that the most important thing you can do for them is to let go of your judgment. Muster all the compassion you have and let go of your frustrations. Let them know that you are here for them and if you can, be open to helping them face their shame. Allowing them to be fully honest with you will be scary and hurtful, but also incredibly powerful.
Complete healing is possible. Keep pressing forward.
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