Perfectly Imperfect

The tell-tale sign of a counterfeit emotion is an empty promise of control. Counterfeit emotions promise control over insecurity, vulnerability, and pain, and they are never able to deliver. 

Nice promises control over conflict and rejection. It promises that you can avoid issues by anticipating the needs/wants of others and giving up your own needs/wants to appease others. In reality, niceness weakens relationships and breeds resentment.

Lust promises control over insecurities. It promises that it will make you feel better about yourself, but it only leads to more dissatisfaction and insecurity.

Anger promises control over fear and pain. It promises that pushing fear and pain away with aggression will keep you from feeling it. More often than not, anger turns fear and pain into miserable hate.

Perfectionism is no different. It promises control over failure and rejection and can’t deliver.

The Myth of Perfectionism

Perfectionism is quite the con artist. It swoops in with its stage makeup and costumes and dazzles us with impressive images of ourselves receiving awards in front of an adoring crowd. It holds these images next to our flaws and shortcomings, spewing vicious lies: “No one likes you because you’re not smart enough, not kind enough, not pretty enough, not skilled enough, not strong enough…” 

Perfectionism uses shame to motivate us to be “better”. It crafts a horrible cycle of shaming ourselves to motivate ourselves to push further and work harder and be more. This may work for a short stint of time, but before long, it all comes crashing down to burnout; and all we are left with is perfectionism’s empty promise and a habit of shaming ourselves.

“Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”
~ Brené Brown

Perfection is unattainable in this life because the purpose of our time here on earth is not to be perfect, but to learn. Human beings were designed to learn by experience. That means to learn by trial and error–to learn by trying and failing and then trying again.

We can’t learn when we are afraid of being imperfect, because we must learn by trying and if we try, we risk imperfection. Perfectionism keeps us frozen in place because we can’t progress and be perfect. 

Perfectionism hinders our ability to live up to our potential because it hinders our ability to learn.

“Excellence does not require perfection.”
~ Henry James

It is important that we strive to be the best we can be, that we try to be healthy, kind, and intelligent... etc.. However, that does not mean we must shame and reject the parts of ourselves that aren’t our best. 

What we are really doing when we strive to be and do our best is striving to live up to our divine potential. We do not have the potential to become perfect in this life; what we have is the potential to become whole.

Becoming whole (or becoming complete) does not require perfection. It requires an understanding of our worth, and a constant striving to be better. 

• Understanding Our Worth
  

Every human being is of invaluable worth and no flaw could ever make a dent in it. When we are whole, we accept all parts of ourselves as worthy of love and compassion. We don’t act like our mistakes aren’t mistakes, but we treat them as learning experiences instead of stains. 

• Striving to Be Better
  

Shame plays no part in striving to be better. Instead, humility takes its place. When we are whole, we are able to recognize our shortcomings, but we do not shame ourselves for them, we only recognize that we have room to grow. 

Perfectionism promises control, but in reality, all it does is lead us away from our true identity and purpose. We are of invaluable worth and we are here to learn by experience.