Nice Culture is Killing Your Company

Recently, I was talking to a friend that happens to run a multi-billion dollar company. We were chatting about the differences between niceness verses kindness, and he said, “Curtis, Where were you last week? I pulled my entire executive team into my boardroom and I told them, ‘Stop being nice. I don’t want you to be the yes man. I don’t want you to say, ‘Good job, boss.’ I want you to tell me where I’m going wrong. I want you to be direct and honest. Tell me if there are flaws in my ideas. I don’t want you to say that everything is great and then walk away thinking, this is going to sink our company.”

Niceness keeps businesses from catching mistakes. Mistakes that could be fatal for the company.

Nice vs. Kind

“Nice” is different than “kind”. Kind is authentic and nice is counterfeit.

Nice culture is made of “yes men”, doormats, placators… I’m sure you're familiar with all of the terms we use to describe people who avoid conflict to keep other people comfortable. People that are nice usually have good intentions. They want to make sure everyone feels safe and accepted. The problem is that they go about it in the wrong way.

“Nice” people minimize their own opinions, personality, and needs to chase away any sort of tension. This keeps them from being their authentic selves, which in turn keeps them from building true connections with other people. And in the business world, it keeps them from adding their valuable input to the pot of ideas and giving feedback when they see an issue others don’t. Niceness creates a work culture devoid of trust and collaboration.

Niceness is killing your company. Innovation is accelerated by many people working together, sharing ideas, knowledge, and perspectives to create a more intelligent collective. Niceness chokes innovation 

What Makes Nice Counterfeit

Nice is a counterfeit emotion, which means it does not aid in building authentic perspectives and relationships. Instead, it distorts healthy perspectives and breaks down relationships. I use four criteria to identify the authentic from the counterfeit: connection, direction, motivation, and valuation. 

Connection

Does this emotion connect or divide?

Direction

Where does this emotion lead?

Motivation

What is the driving force behind this emotion?

Valuation

How does this emotion affect the way we perceive the value of ourselves and other people?

When we apply each criteria to niceness, it is clear why it is counterfeit.

Connection
Nice is surface level. It doesn’t truly connect because it minimizes one’s true thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. It is not direct or honest.

Kind goes deep. It builds strong trust by being honest and authentic with one’s thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. It is respectfully direct because kind people understand that connection can only be build 

Direction
Nice spirals. It keeps everyone securely in their comfort zones and isolated from the reality of the situation. Niceness doesn’t move anywhere because it refuses to rock the boat. The problem is that rowing rocks the boat. If you won’t rock the boat, you can’t row.

Kind moves us upward, forward, and brings us together. It compassionately shares authenticity, keeping people connected and aware of each other’s thoughts, feelings, and needs. Kindness is what moves companies forward because it facilitates effective collaboration.

Motivation
Nice is motivated by the fear of conflict. It will do anything to avoid it. People are nice when they don’t want to step on toes.

Kind is motivated by care and progress. It faces conflict with compassion and resolve and transforms it into connection. People are kind when they care about the wellbeing of others (and the wellbeing of the company.)

Valuation
Nice devalues the “nice guy’s” opinions and ideas. Niceness overlooks one’s own needs and comfort in favor of others.

Kind values all ideas regardless of the source. Kindness advocates for one’s own needs along with others’ needs. It sticks up for what it believes in, even when it is difficult.

The Benefits of Replacing Nice with Kind in Your Company

Nice looks great on the surface (it’s friendly and generous), but beyond that it’s a mess of miscommunications. Niceness keeps employees from speaking up when they see problems; problems that could take a huge toll on your company.

Kind culture creates speed in business because it creates trust. When you uphold a culture of kindness, your employees will know that they can express their honest opinions and receive honesty in return. Good ideas will be honored and debated and become even better, and bad ideas will be openly and respectfully challenged so they don’t end up as products.

To change the culture inside your company from Nice to Kind, contact Curtis for a consultation.

Learn how to transform your niceness into kindness with our 5-day masterclass.