Is Your Relationship Toxic? Learn How to Identify the Love Imitators
Feb 27, 2025
Love has many imitators. Each attempts to copy an element of love, but can’t quite replicate it because their intentions are not the same. These imitations twist the elements of love into toxins that poison relationships.
- Vulnerability
- Compassion
- Curiosity
- Service
- Intimacy
- Commitment
- Connection
The list of love imitators is expansive, so today, we’ll only discuss the most common ones: niceness, saving, and sympathy.
Kind vs. Nice
Niceness imitates connection. When someone is being nice, they are putting on a mask of politeness that aims to keep everyone around them content and comfortable. It sacrifices honesty and genuinity to people-please and avoid conflict. Niceness attempts to connect with other people by lacking negativity. It operates under the false assumption that a lack of any negative interactions makes one likeable.
The truth is, niceness disconnects us from other people because it prevents us from being authentic in our interactions. Our empty promises and plastered-on smiles prevent other people from truly getting to know who we are.
Kindness is what brings connection. When we are kind, we extend honest love to the people around us and to ourselves. We share our authentic selves while honoring the value of the people around us and the value within us. Kindness gives selflessly and at the same time, upholds boundaries that protect your wellbeing.
Connection comes when we are honest.
Serving vs. Saving
Saving imitates service. When our loved ones are struggling, the urge to take the pain away and repair the damage can be overwhelming. We may want to set aside our own needs and focus all our energy on supporting them. It sounds like a noble cause… The unfortunate truth is that it causes more harm than good. When we sacrifice the things that we need to maintain our own wellbeing, we will inevitably hit a wall of burnout. We’ll be left worn out and depleted, unable to continue giving. This can cause us to build up resentment for the loved ones we were trying to save.
In order to keep giving support, we must maintain our wellbeing. We cannot give energy we don’t have. Instead of trying to save, serve. When we serve, we offer what we can (without any expectation of repayment), while upholding boundaries to safeguard our own health. (You may notice that boundaries are an important part of love, because it’s part of loving yourself. If you don’t love yourself well, how can you love another person well?)
Empathy vs. Sympathy
Sympathy imitates compassion. It recognizes when another person is feeling something and responds with the appropriate politeness, but it does not go any further. When we have sympathy for someone, we may feel bad for them, but we don’t take the opportunity to truly support them.
As author Mohsin Hamid says, “Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself.” It is validating their experience by connecting to it with your own. Empathy goes the extra step beyond politeness. Empathy sits with the person in need of support and bears the burden with them.
Related Articles:
- Understanding the True Nature of Love
- The Number One Way to Strengthen Your Marriage
- 7 Ways to Show Love on Valentines Day
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