Anger is Not Authentic

Anger is not a "bad" emotion. In fact, there is no such thing as a "bad emotion". All emotions are helpful in some way. Some help us by taking us where we want to go, and others are simply messagers that tell us we are in need of a bit of course correcting. Anger is not an authentic emotion, so it is not one of the emotions that direct us toward healthy progress. However, it does serve as a powerful messager that we may be harboring a harmful bitterness toward something. Anger is a sign that something needs to be resolved.

The authentic counterpart to anger is advocacy. Advocacy is the level-headed sister of anger who understands that resolutions come from peaceful conversations, not destructive demonstrations.

Advocacy is a measured, constructive response to an injustice. 

Anger is a (emotionally and/or physically) destructive response to a perceived injustice.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
~ Buddha

How to Identify the Authentic from the Counterfeit

All authentic and counterfeit emotions can be identified using these four criteria: connection, direction, motivation, and valuation. (I lovingly refer to them as “C the DMV” to make them easier to remember.) 

Connection

Does this emotion connect or divide? (Authentic emotions connect you to other people, a purpose, and/or God.)

Direction

Where does this emotion lead? (Authentic emotions direct you toward healthy progress-- whether that be within a relationship, a social issue, or your own health.)

Motivation

What is the driving force behind this emotion? (Authentic emotions are motivated by love and surrender.)

Valuation 

How does this emotion affect the way we perceive the value of ourselves and other people? (Authentic emotions allow us to view ourselves and others with respect for their divine worth.)

When we apply these criteria to anger, it is clear why it's a counterfeit emotion.

Why Anger is a Counterfeit Emotion

Connection 

Does anger connect or divide?

Anger is the quickest way to divide people. It is not a connector. Anger pushes people away and incites hate and resentment.

Direction

Where does anger lead?

Nowhere. Anger spirals around itself. It does not lead to any meaningful change and certainly not to healthy progress. Anger builds upon itself and spins out of control, far off the path we were aiming for.

Motivation

What is the driving force behind anger? 

It isn’t love or surrender. Anger is fueled by insecurity, fear, and hatred. The driving force behind anger is not to create healthy change, it is to be right and to get revenge. Anger seeks to force the other side to obey. It is motivated by a need to control. 

Valuation

How does anger affect the way we perceive the value of ourselves and other people?

Anger devalues other people (and sometimes ourselves) to the point of being willing to harm. Anger says “you have to lose for us to win.” When we react with anger, it indicates that we don’t value the other side, only our own.

Because anger is emotionally destructive (and often physically destructive), it can be assured that anger devalues whomever it is directed at. You cannot be willing to harm a person without first seeing them as less than what they are– which is a human being with divine worth. 

Why Advocacy is an Authentic Emotion

Connection

Does advocacy connect or divide?

The feeling of injustice connects us to our humanity. When we see someone being treated as less than, and care about that injustice, we emotionally connect with that person. Injustice comes from and is fortified by empathy– which is a phenomenal connector.

Direction

Where does advocacy lead?

Because injustice is peaceful and constructive (instead of destructive), it leads to healthy progress. It is way more successful at creating a respectful dialogue between people than anger is. Injustice facilitates constructive conversation between people in conflict.

Motivation

What is the driving force behind advocacy? 

Injustice is fueled by love, because its motivation is to resolve conflict and change things for the better.

Valuation

How does advocacy affect the way we perceive the value of ourselves and other people?

Advocacy respects the worth and agency of both sides. It doesn’t force the other side to obey with the destructive tactics of anger. Instead, it treats the other side with respect, inviting them to have empathy for the people being treated poorly. 
Advocacy respects the value of both sides of the conflict.

Real-life Examples of Advocacy and Anger

Some of the most clear examples of the distinction between advocacy and anger come from civil rights issues. The differing responses to the injustices suffered by Black Americans during the 1950s is a very enlightening example of what advocacy and anger look like.

A group known as the “Black Panthers” responded to the racial injustice with anger. Their goal was to punish racists and to force the government to obey their terms. They committed violent terrorist attacks and were met with violence and terrorism in return. 

Their approach was in no way, shape, or form effective. It didn’t take any steps toward progress and very quickly spiraled out of control, making the problem much worse and more dangerous than it was before. 

In contrast, Martin Luther King Jr. responded with advocacy. His approach was peaceful and respectful of the rights of the other side. His goal was to obtain civil rights for Black Americans. He wasn’t trying to punish or terrorize. He wanted to build constructive civil dialogue and bring attention to the injustice Black Americans were suffering. He didn’t force anyone to agree with his cause. Instead, he invited people to join him.

And it was successful. People, black and white, were drawn to the cause by empathy. MLK Jr. set aside his anger and shone a light on the injustice with respect for the rights of all involved. Of course, some people still responded to him with anger, but many responded to him with respect.

Anger incites anger.

Respect invites respect.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."
~ Martin Luther King Jr, Strength to Love